The atmosphere

is draining. 

It’s one thing to have experienced this all of our lives, 

it’s another to know the intricacies.  

id formerly be too consumed in my own pain to notice anything otherwise.

Always forcing self to grieve however It seemed to be socially acceptable, 

confused - because It all seemed so completely unnatural.  

To have seen so many dead bodies, to hold my head down and pretend to feel,   

When all i felt was numbness.

i took myself out yesterday to try and force some decompression. I caught the Giants game and i wondered if there would even be a game if every player was their most excellent selves, and hit nothing but home runs. 

The structural challenges of the game, creates enough conflict for It to be entertaining.  

For people to have purpose in continuing to get better, breaking previous records ...

there’s a purpose in It .... 

Having enough conflict and challenge to raise the bar for all future athletes moving forward.

how much more time do we need to exist in these types of reality? Where the knowing of self is only derived from conflict?  

Im reverted back to the stretching and growing of my own Being. I couldn’t know the magnitude of who i actually am unless i was put to the test. 

but what more does that say about our divine selves?  

How many more social conflicts must we endure to decide to Just Be - and letting that be Enough. 

two babies didn’t live to see 25.  

I’m so tired of this being our Norm.