No more Regular conversations

  awakening has encroached on my intimate relations. 

An old fling found himself at the center of my vulnerability in the wake of all this heartbreak.

My patience lost its stamina, my temper is raging inside of me, and my need for Hope, became an eminent urgency to cling onto Life.

As a woman, all i had to do was choose a stream to jump in. I chose a stream of immediate convenience, because that’s exactly what the human in me needed, Convenience.

it’s almost rude how awfully reflective everything in existence is of the thought process and energy field we carry, because he was in our past, what he is today, a tragically convenient human being, as most men are... nope. As most human beings are.

I don’t think i have ever really known this with this frequency of consciousness, I’m sure we say It all the time, but to have tried to take that route in desperation, but with complete consciousness, the pattern has become too evident to not be affirmed in. 

Everyone is heartbroken, even him, finding convenient methods of coping with the cruelty of humanity, perpetuating those same cruelties by sleep walking through this system of “societal order”.

i can probably talk about boxing for days and weeks and maybe months.

i can talk about business almost as congruently.  

i can vent about family, about space and place. I can vent about everything and anything under the sun, but i will not vent in pattern.

if I haven’t altered my acceptance of something i can not change, i have no room to complain where the Universe saw fit to condition my soul’s maturity.

if i haven’t altered behavior patterns to change a situation or circumstance, i have no place to complain about where i currently stand in life. 

S E T T L I N G.

i could not have a regular conversation. I couldn’t talk about people, i refused to talk about patterns and i could not talk about buying into, in any form or fashion, the consumer mentality of “Life”. 

My soul needed to be nurtured, physically, psychologically, mentally and emotionally.  

And i had no leftover patience to wake this man up. 

I knew in those parting conversations, that settling was just something my stubborn ass could never do.

I will not settle for a life of slavery. 

i will not settle for a life of not living to see 60, 

and being a utility to the status quo.  

My soul already made its mind up.  

So no. I can’t have regular conversation anymore. 

My soul needs to be fed, not my ego.