Intentional Relations

It took me a really long time to start dating after my last ex. Like literally years (plural af) .

(I’m laughing internally at how critically i am thinking about every little thing, but i digress Lol) 

within this state of dating, the companions i choose to entertain always reflect the narrative or context in which i subconsciously projected onto them.

during my time with my biological father, I was at such unrest because my existence wasn’t in a constant state of crisis, entertainment helped the time go by, It didn’t really matter who, those variables became interchangeable. The people i put in those interchangeable spaces assumed qualities suitable for the role that was in accordance to my narrative. 

If i chose someone for convenience, their core characteristics always had some echoing resemblence. If i chose for emotionally intimacy, spiritual intimacy... etc etc.   

all of which, i never chose intentionally for partnership. 

I chose all of these things to satisfy a temporal and surface need.  

Thinking that one day those narratives might evolve. Might change. But they never do. 

because they were never consciously or subconsciously chosen within the right context.

i don’t expect an ideal partner to fall right out of Heaven... 

but i do understand now, that i must have intentional narratives about the men i choose to entertain.  

These intentional narratives reflect upon the core characteristics of said person thus equating them in deserving atmosphere and context of my partnership. 

I am ready for Intentional Relations 🖤