Self Absorbed Americans.

I worked the club this weekend. I love my industry family, you see and experience things together that connects you in ways you wouldn’t have conceived looking outright at the job.

lastnight there was a huge brawl in front of the club. As the hip hop party was transitioning out, the house music started, and the house music crowd began making their way in. My PTSD is pretty mild, for the most part I’m not completely overtaken when chaos ensues, it’s almost natural at this point, yet i know there is an obvious safety concern at hand and there’s still all of these people selfishly looking to you for attention.

”Can you smile just a little bit?” 

”you look so done” 

promoters trying to get their +10 in, 

people trying to maneuver out of paying the entrance fee and pushing their way inside.

no one at all concerned with the human lives outside erupting, in walking distance to their cars and possible weapons. 

everyone is concerned with their own state of selfishness. 

It literally pisses me off. Because i almost never get a call from someone actually calling to check up on me. 

the Majority of people i know are self centered.

and It just pissed me off having to exist in a world where everyone lives with an ulterior motive.

people use people in so many malice ways. 

So many times to protect their fragile identities.  

What is It with us and these inferior identities that can never stand alone. 

maybe I’m being selfish by being exauhsted by the need of everyone and only having myself to meet my own needs. 

God again. I pray to find Hope in people. 

i pray to keep this hope. I’m damn tired of existing alone. I pray that your presence dwells within me More dominantly than this worldly flesh of mines. 

I pray for your Love and compassion to stick on me through and through.