Make Magic

I keep forcing myself to want things. To want better, maybe I’m too conditioned settling for poverty and taking the easy way out knowing I’m going to depart this world prematurely.  

To want more, than what is present. I see so much beauty, and i know i could build and create so much more... if i just had a chance to Live.

but the things i am forcing myself to manifest, don’t find actual existence.

and It reminds me of my ex.  at one point i would have given a limb to know a family and a life with Him.

today, I’m grateful my God self knew better, and lead me here. 

maybe, it’s not the time yet for the luxury of a life without immediate crisis, or the stress of dying prematurely. 

I will accept that there is yet still, something here for me to learn. 

and I’ll be ok with that. 2019 I’m going to do more to take care of Me.