Listen to your body.

This stillness is met at odds. 

The afternoon means a restlessness i can’t quite comprehend. 

why am i so mentally exauhsted by the nothingness, the unremarkable monotonous day? 

i miss the grit of overextending myself, the challenge of being and doing everything.

i find no joy in being rested, in being so completely bored, so unremarkably unenthused.

to live an every day life seems impossible. 

but it’s a life i must live right now. 

i try not to be upset at the conversations that hover around me. 

To watch the emptiness of others express itself through over indulgence in toxic extremities. 

To entertain the facades of social identities. 

what was so gratifying about being so busy?

was i running from this emptiness? 

most things have lost their flavor

the ease of accessibility drowns out the desire to be known and feel connected in these artificial ways. 

Why doesn’t anything feel like enough?  

Do i not feel like I’m enough?  

I criticize myself for having such a skewed value system -  

Am i only worthy of the space I take up if I’m working myself to the bone? 

Am i only remarkable if i become everything, do everything, know everything?  

Why do i only feel valuable when I’m operating at that magnitude?  

I am the same being then and now.  

Its just now, I’m forced to slow down. 

i pray in these coming moments i feel valuable in exactly who i am right now. 

the being inside the woman listening to her soul whisper to her body - telling her to rest. 

to find balance between passion and peace.

once i find presence in that balance - i will know every joy i hope for.