what does It feel like

I fight with my ego every Wednesday I’m in class.

they are talking about my life, theoretically, statistically, structurally, economically and socially. 

Yet i fight myself to get a word in. 

i think maybe my presence is too big for this class room. Then again, i don’t feel like i fit in. i try my hardest and say the words to myself and wonder if it’s my ego that wants to be heard or does the collective voice of my community deserve a space of value in this room of graduate and doctorate students? 

these are all the words of query I’ve spoken to myself thousands of times over that these white students are learning and being amended for. 

“What is Urban Blight for $300?” 

i don’t fit in, not here in the university or at home in the hood. 

but by God i know I’m on purpose. 

i feel my books calling me. 

trying to unlock this internal mystery of ongoing inquiry. 

Its like everything that excited me, arrived me here in this classroom trying to build a bridge from the scholars in this space to the streets that causes my heartache.  

i feel challenged. And that’s always a good thing. 

ow. Yea, jesus, Universe, One God.  

Thank you for sending me Hope in people.

signed

-that brown girl Fee.