Lia

Last summer, I nearly threw in the towel at the office on numerous occasions. 

everytime I felt possesed to walk away, I couldn't, because there was Lia. 

If I walked off, she would have to quit our program. and if she quit, I knew how much her spirit would begin to die again, every single day. 

my choice to live, in this incessant cycle of human inferiority is because of my Lia. If I give up, my Lia would give up too. 

And maybe that's the real reason I couldn't stop crying after we found her in Richmond when she ran away. My babies don't care to see tomorrow, and I don't either. 

what impales me most direly, is how young they are in acknowledging these truths of life. 

I'm always taken back to this reasoning for existence. 

God's need to know life through form. all of our values, are made up of some fleshly or worldly urge. 

Before existence, God existed in nothingness. 

no flesh, no universe, just infinite nothingness. 

He began the universe to know life through form, conflict evolved the universe, his consciousness growng with each transformation. 

our lives are God's way of living. and I guess these conflicts are growing his awakening consciousness. 

I'm just tired I guess. and I know, I have to stop looking to find rest in people, to find hope in people, to find compassion and love in people. 

I can only find REAL satisfaction in those things by reconnecting and recharging with the Source, with God himself, with God's living presence within Me as Me. 

Whenever I do come to these conjunctures of complete disgust for societal structures of living, I know I'm losing myself to the world and it's invisibile psychological barriers. 

I pray to be infinite in You. I pray your presence covers me with Hope. I pray that I am made new in your love. Thank you for Your strength.