a lonely no.

i prayed for this space. 

and now that I’m in It, the God Being that has been longing to just Be, 

has found another crisis to delay its vibrancy.

I have the space, but my mind, my thought process still isn’t Free.  

And instead of accepting the discomfort of not being completely emancipated of the Ego, 

every moment I’m fighting a silent warfare of the mind. 

Disciplining myself to believe in others again, but most important to believe in Me,

And my ability to make it through a hopeless time. 

i am vulnerable, and It is ok.

kids are dying everyday, and It is ok. we share one soul, their death was a part of an awakening of one consciousness, so when i choose to live, It is a step in building the shift of our collective psyche.   

parents do mental, emotional and physical harm to their kids every day by not knowing how to address their own pain body in a healthy way. 

And It is ok. Society has become feeble through access and technology. The bad that happened in my life, was a part of my conditioning. When you choose to Live, there is no good and bad, there is just Being, accepting the fluidity and embracing the spaces and moments of Now our one soul aligned you to.   

i am in a lonely space of saying No. 

lots of No’s to men, in which i partially defer to the energy of my ego... that’s likely why nothing has made any soul connecting progress.  i should be more transparent about my interactions, the ego likes the safety net of superficial and inflated attention (not to self: i shall find this balance of being present in this platform of social interactions via social media, while not feeding into those inflation practices via shallow exchanges).

Lots and lots of No’s in being comfortable in social norms.

i likely have ptsd.  

Beautiful and simple moments make me cry.  

Like when my kids stop what they’re doing, and are present. Hearing their soul, embracing their vibrancy. I want to cry because i get to see their God Being (People lose that the older they become and more conditioned they are to serve their ego and pain body, they forget what It really means to be present).

and other really triggering traumatic moments.

this range has still yet to be defined. there are so many moments of helplessness that arise understanding the depth of our human inferiority.

the history of It is disturbing and so is presently walking in It. 

anyhow. 

to say No. is a lonely space. 

i will embrace accepting, and i will manifest abundance. I will focus on the assets of our historical context. I will define the challenges as the counter that pressures the diamond and develops the maturity of all life.