To the shadows that carry me

For a brief moment, the consuming nature of being valuable in this made up world almost cripples me.

and as much as I’d love to unpack my shit and find a comfortable place to nestle - to be in harmony with the mediocrity of this space - something strangely and strongly possesses this body.

and like a stubborn reflex - it wont stop living. no matter how many times i psychologically give up during the day.

no matter how much I take on and feel like I cant keep on - its there pulsating like some alien being - never scythed or shaken - some dormant self taking over and for the moments to come I watch from some place deep inside of me - noticing the way my moods, my awareness, my emotions are all taking place outside of myself.

this year - I acknowledge the shadows that carry me.

but I wont get lost in them .

I will stop limiting my Universe - and live honestly in the magic that radiates me.

im so tired of not fitting into what the collective assume is valuable. I’m tired of feeling the angst of that psychological energy - repressing my soul - challenging me every step of the way to conform.

I’m tired of waiting for a reality where I don’t have to try so hard to fit in.

to be valuable and know connection.

alas. that is what I’m really afraid of - what I am really emotionally exhausted by

not having enough connection.