Growing through some thangs

In relations I find myself growing through the same lessons of pain over and over and over again.

Each time I awaken a little deeper, innerstanding each reaction of conditioned trauma, innerstanding no matter how hard I try, my soul just wont let me settle for my wants, it knows what it needs and will fight me every leisurely step in the wrong direction i go.

Shouting subconsciously of it’s values, projecting every imaginable and unimaginable force field to keep out all who do not meet the expectation of true soul connection.

I get lost, trying to balance my soul with the human that is me.

the wants like fire under my skin, the gravity of Him, that I try and mask others with, that I try desperately to fit in His hole.

I get lost and find myself right back here.

understanding that my soul is too deep to settle for the world,

waiting to share that space, timelessly, in His soul presence.

Until then I’ll just be… “growing” through some thangs.